Sometimes I wonder if things could have been different…If could have been a better person, or If could have been prettier, or skinnier…or more honest and faithful. Sometimes I hate myself for what I am and what I have done to make myself this way. I’ve hurt so many people in my life…I don’t mean to but I do…and I hate myself for it everyday. There is one person that I hurt the most…I hate myself so much for hurting him…he was the best thing that had ever happened to me…and I lost him. Forever.

I think about him everyday and dream of him every night. He is my moon, my sun, my stars, my whole universe. I cant live without him…although I am still living…my soul is gone. It pains me to see him with another who doesn’t love him as much as I did and still do. I wasn’t faithful and I wasn’t honest…but I love him with every part of me…even though I cant tell him anymore. I miss him more than words could ever say. If I had the chance again I would tell him so many things that I cant now…

I would tell him he’s my everything and that I wouldn’t be able to last one more day without him…the days have been long and hard without him and I cry almost every night because I’m not sleeping by his side. I miss cuddling with him and the endless hours of talking into the wee hours of the morning. I long to kiss him in the rain just one more time. I long to hold him in my arms and tell him I love him one last time. It would make me so happy…but I know it would never happen again. I can only hope and wish I can find something as good I had with him.

He still has my book…I hope. He told me the story reminded him of us. I wish we could just run away together and leave everything behind. Just like the characters in the book did…

I miss Kenny so much…I want to be with him everyday like it used to be…we were inseparable. Always together. Never apart. Love surrounding us. It was like a fairy tale…almost too good to be true, and I made it that way. I made it fall apart. And now he’s with someone else….and I am no longer in the picture….never will be again. *sigh* I’m just going to have to learn to live without him.